how to flat 3 times in 10 minutes.
The first thing you have to do is ride solo, take all the stuff you would need to fix a flat. Pump, CO2 cartridges, inflator head, patch kit. The next step is to go ride, in my case I rode the Rails to Trails Greenline from UofM area to Shelby Farms and then rode some WRT and headed home. Then you must run over one very Large, Angry, Rusty, Metal thing hiding in the gravel on the rail trail.
They had been doing some grating and packing and apparently this LARM was waiting for his prey. Like a fish who sits with his mouth open until a smaller fish floats in, that was the tactic of this LARM.
I was cruising and jamming and had been passing people like they were sitting still. (Technically, this family was sitting still when I passed them.) Anyways, I was enjoying myself and this nice day and waving to all the people I saw when things got ugly. I got within striking distance of the LARM (i.e. I ran over it) and my whole ride hops in a handbasket labeled "Express delivery to Hell". I hear this awful clink-clank noise and lock my rear brake. Immediately things don't feel right and I know something is bad wrong. I hop off the bike and look to see this thing hanging out of my tire. "whew, no biggie I got my flat stuff". I had feared rear derailleur snap-tastic or something much worse. I get to work and I put my spare tube (more on tube later) in the tire. Quick decision that since the weather is nice and I can hear someone's radio from backyard party I will save my CO2 and just pump it up with my Crank Brothers mini pump with two stage air setting. It is super nifty. This tube has been with me a good while. Since Syllamo's Revenge . . . 2009. Man this is taking forever. Shit, I'm sweating into my eyeballs and my arm had swollen to nearly the size of a mop handle from all the pumping. Genuine Innovations to the rescue! I hit it with a quick shot of gas from this awesome cartridge and then realize my new tube, my trusty tube, my spare from Syllamo's Revenge 2009 & 2010, and ORAMM 2010 is leaking. So I pull it out, patch it up, reinstall it and start pumping away again. I only had one cartridge with me. I get my tire about half aired up when the family I passed earlier comes past and the dad is mouthing off "This isn't ready for street bikes bud" I reply, while holding up the LARM "Nothing is ready for this" and then continuing pumping. I pulled my pump off and PHHHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWP out comes the air through the now broken off valve stem. I picked my phone up, called my buddy, and called it a day.
As I have said before and still continue to believe, any day on the bike is better than a day at the office. It was better than no ride, better than working, and better than being dumb and lazy and screaming into my videogame headset to some guy I don't know about some game that doesn't matter.
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| Marley and LARM, Mar totally unimpressed with it. If he only knew its danger. |
They had been doing some grating and packing and apparently this LARM was waiting for his prey. Like a fish who sits with his mouth open until a smaller fish floats in, that was the tactic of this LARM.
I was cruising and jamming and had been passing people like they were sitting still. (Technically, this family was sitting still when I passed them.) Anyways, I was enjoying myself and this nice day and waving to all the people I saw when things got ugly. I got within striking distance of the LARM (i.e. I ran over it) and my whole ride hops in a handbasket labeled "Express delivery to Hell". I hear this awful clink-clank noise and lock my rear brake. Immediately things don't feel right and I know something is bad wrong. I hop off the bike and look to see this thing hanging out of my tire. "whew, no biggie I got my flat stuff". I had feared rear derailleur snap-tastic or something much worse. I get to work and I put my spare tube (more on tube later) in the tire. Quick decision that since the weather is nice and I can hear someone's radio from backyard party I will save my CO2 and just pump it up with my Crank Brothers mini pump with two stage air setting. It is super nifty. This tube has been with me a good while. Since Syllamo's Revenge . . . 2009. Man this is taking forever. Shit, I'm sweating into my eyeballs and my arm had swollen to nearly the size of a mop handle from all the pumping. Genuine Innovations to the rescue! I hit it with a quick shot of gas from this awesome cartridge and then realize my new tube, my trusty tube, my spare from Syllamo's Revenge 2009 & 2010, and ORAMM 2010 is leaking. So I pull it out, patch it up, reinstall it and start pumping away again. I only had one cartridge with me. I get my tire about half aired up when the family I passed earlier comes past and the dad is mouthing off "This isn't ready for street bikes bud" I reply, while holding up the LARM "Nothing is ready for this" and then continuing pumping. I pulled my pump off and PHHHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWP out comes the air through the now broken off valve stem. I picked my phone up, called my buddy, and called it a day.
As I have said before and still continue to believe, any day on the bike is better than a day at the office. It was better than no ride, better than working, and better than being dumb and lazy and screaming into my videogame headset to some guy I don't know about some game that doesn't matter.
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